18.11.07

Post-Divorce Parenting - A Guide for Non-Custodial Parents

You may wonder if the entire divorce proceedings are ever going to have a mental impact on them. Will they be able to accept the concept of two homes, visitations? Will they be affectionate as usual or will they be distancing themselves from you?

Recent studies and researches have indicated that children of today are mentally tough to accept divorce and its consequences. They are ready to share your views on the whole idea of divorce. But, on the other hand, you have a greater responsibility of effective co-parenting along with your ex. You need to exercise greater care and caution even as children transition themselves to this new setup.

Post-Divorce Parenting Problems

Irrespective of a divorce in any community anywhere in the world, post-divorce parenting problems have been the same. Most of these problems arise out of visitation. Some of them are as follows:

Inconsistent Visitation: It always happens that the custodial parent keeps complaining about the ex not making his regular visitation. Either they do not turn up on time, do not turn up at all or, in the worst case scenario, their whereabouts are not known. As a non-custodial parent, you will have to understand the implications of not visiting your child as per the schedule. Your child might require confiding in you which they might not be able to do with the other parent. They might have numerous stories to narrate to you about happenings at school. For all that you know, they might be eagerly awaiting your visit every time.

Now, when you do not turn up on time, they might develop a sense of being left out or ignored. This can lead to dire consequences in their later part of their lives. They can eventually turn into loners and losers and eventually lose confidence in themselves. On the other hand, non-custodial parents face problems from their ex. For some reason, the ex might refrain from sending their children as part of the regular visitation. Now, this becomes a serious legal offence and you can charge your ex with contempt of court.

Consistent Fights and Squabbles: The whole world was under the impression that you had split up owing to the constant duels that you were having with your ex. Now, if you were to continue the same, we do not see any reason as to why you should have split in the first place. You could have at least saved the child, the agony of living apart from their parents.

Child delinquency is a serious issue in today’s world caused by parents who are constantly at war with each other. This deprives them of all the wonderful things surrounding childhood. It would be like trampling a seedling even before it raises its head off the ground.

Using Children for Personal Gains: For the time that your child is with you, ensure that you shower all your love on them. Do not use them to avenge your ex by either asking your child to spy on your ex or bad-mouthing them. In either case, this is going to worsen the current situation causing a further rift.

Non-Custodial Parents - Positive Guidelines for Effective Parenting

  • Be punctual on your visitation.
  • Encourage your child to speak his heart out with you.
  • Give them a lot of reassurance that the love you and your ex have for them will never change.
  • Involve yourself in every aspect of their life.
  • Avoid arguments and quarrels with your ex in front of your children.
  • Make your child feel at home when he is with you.
  • Work with your ex to develop an effective parenting plan to see your children through as successive individuals.

Conclusion – The Last Word

If you are a person who is constantly under the thought that things are never going to be the same, please drop it off at this point. A winner is one who makes the best out of a worst situation. And we hope that you can take that little step to keep your child happy and not deprive them of the wonders of childhood for no fault of theirs.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information about using online services to get a Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

Contributing Author for www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

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